Dads can be great role models for managing anger. Here's how:

As a child psychiatrist, anger is one of my favourite emotions (to talk about with kids and families). I want to understand how it is experienced in oneself and expressed outwardly towards others. Anger is a very important emotion. It activates us and moves us away from harm and danger. 

Just as one might worry about aggressive expressions of anger, I am also concerned when parents and youth tell me, “Oh, she never gets angry”. Silent anger can often mean a person is redirecting those feelings towards oneself, which can be destructive and unhealthy in another way. 

Socially, we often see anger as a common and permissible emotion for boys and men. It seems more acceptable for boys and men to express anger over other feelings such as shame, fear or sadness. Anger is also how anyone might feel if these other emotions are suppressed or ignored. Over time, anger might become the automatic feeling experienced or communicated to others, when a boy or man encounters any negative feeling at all. The likelihood that there are deeper feelings associated with our anger is very high, although we may not always be aware of them. I often say that our immediate expression of anger is 10% of what is happening in the moment and 90% of stuff built up from before. The more we can reach back to those previous feelings and experiences, the better we can effectively manage our anger today.

As parents, one of the greatest skills we can teach our kids is anger management. Here are 5 steps to consider.

1. Accept anger in your home as a normal and wise emotion to be experienced in oneself and communicated to others

2. Be curious to understand your child’s anger and to look beyond the behaviour to explore the thoughts and other emotions associated with feeling angry

3. Co-regulating with your child when they feel anger, by staying with them, staying calm, not reacting to their anger, but remaining curious about their mind and what is going on inside. 

4. Staying regulated and noticing what you are experiencing emotionally and physically - often when your child is feeling anger, so are you. 

5. Saying out loud what is happening for you and what might be happening for your child, such as: “I notice my heart is racing and I’m feeling tense while at the same time I’m feeling angry. I see that your body might be tense, you’re yelling and you are probably feeling angry too. This is what anger feels like and it happens when we think we want something that will make us happy and we can’t have it. Don’t worry, this feeling will pass and you will feel calm and in control soon, even if you don’t get what you want now.”

Name and "Broadcast" your feelings

If you are not used to naming your own feelings or your child’s feelings, and saying them out loud, you are definitely not alone. Many of us dads did not grow up with our parents regulating our anger in this way. But trust me, it works. Imagine yourself as a radio sports broadcaster and “managing anger” is the sport you’re watching. Your child happens to be both the “athlete” and the spectator, who would benefit from hearing out loud what is happening on the “field”.

From Exit Eddie to Trigger Tim

I recently discovered a great podcast (All Pro Dad) and the perfect episode, “Am I Handling My Anger Well?” dated April 13th, 2026. I would encourage you to check it out; it speaks about how we handle our anger when we are with our partner and our kids. What I like about this podcast is the categorization of different anger behaviours into relatable terms and profiles such as “Trigger Tim”, “Lecture Lance” and “Exit Eddie”. While some dads might be very consistent in how they behave when they feel anger, I agree with the hosts, that most of us have different responses; for example, sometimes we are triggered, sometimes we avoid and exit, and sometimes we remain steady. The way we communicate our own anger in any given situation may be dependent on so many factors such as our level of patience and what was going on in our mind prior to feeling angry with our kids. 

I have modified some of the profile names suggested in the podcast. Instead of “Passive Aggressive Pete”, I use the term, “Sarcastic Steve”. Passive aggression is more of the judgement we place on sarcastic behaviour that tends to minimize what is happening that can feel hurtful by others. Instead of “Steady Sam” I use the term “Calm Chris” because I believe calm more accurately reflects the best route for managing anger.

Here are the 5 Profiles:

Exit Eddie, Trigger Tim, Sarcastic Sam, Lecture Lance and Calm Chris.

Anger Analysis Worksheet

Here is the worksheet I created on analyzing your anger:

Anger Analysis .pdf

Download PDF • 451KB

This is how I use these profiles in practice when working with fathers and families.

1. I provide some psychoeducation about anger

2. I invite dads and request their permission to proceed with this exercise

3. I provide dads and other family members present with this handout and explain the following:

   1. Here is one way to categorize a person’s behavioural reactions when feeling anger. At this moment we are talking about Dad. 

   2. Some dads may consistently respond in one particular way, most dads may respond differently at different times.

   3. First I want Dad to think about his own father (or any parent) and put a percentage next to each profile that was displayed by that parent. For example, if Granddad was either Exit Eddie or Trigger Tim, put the percentage of each next to it, totalling up to 100%.

   4. Second, I would like Dad to reflect on his own behaviours when feeling anger and write out the percentages from 0 to 100 next to the profiles, again with the overall total being 100%

   5. Third, if appropriate, we can ask your child what they notice and fill in the percentages. If a child is not able or available to do this, we can ask Dad or his partner to imagine through the child’s eyes and fill in the scores.

   6. Fourth, we ask the partner to complete it from their perspective.

4. Undoubtedly, some patterns or differences may emerge. It may be helpful to clarify some of these differences but the goal is not for one person to be more accurate than the other. This is a reflective exercise that can sometimes take time to digest.

Be a "Repair Ryan" to correct undesirable angry reactions

The ultimate goal is to respond like Calm Chris, when experiencing anger. In order to move towards Calm Chris, All Pro Dad provides the strategy known as NAME, FRAME, AIM.

I call this intermediate response profile, Repair Ryan. I have modified this to a 6-step exercise that starts with Behaviour and ends with Behaviour. 

Repair Ryan:

1. Classify the Behaviour (e.g. Trigger Tim).

2. Acknowledge the Automatic Thought (e.g. “You never listen to me”).

3. Name the First Feeling (e.g. Anger).

4. Name an Underlying Feeling that is below the anger (e.g. Anxious).

5. Frame the New Thought (e.g. I need to finish my work tonight or tomorrow will be very difficult, and my son seems to want to play instead of go to sleep).

6. Aim the Corrective Behaviour (e.g. Connect with my son and talk about what we both might be thinking / feeling and set limits for his behaviour).

Here is the worksheet I created on using the Repair Ryan profile and turning it into a script we can say to our kids:

Repair Ryan.pdf

Download PDF • 124KB

Let's Give it a Try: Teeth Brushing with Trigger Tim

Situation: Bed time. 7-year-old son needs to brush his teeth and go to sleep. A tired Dad also needs to finish his paperwork, clean the kitchen, and talk to his wife about the weekend.

Son: Running around, into his sibling’s room, not listening.

Dad: Raising voice, changing tone, yelling “Get out of there. Get over here and brush your teeth, now. I don’t have time for this… You’re not going to get to watch TV this weekend…I’m throwing these toys out.

Son: In bathroom, won’t open mouth, then spitting on the mirror.

Dad: "Stop and open your mouth. Tomorrow you’re going to bed an hour early. Fine, you brush your own teeth." Dad drops toothbrush in sink and walks away.

Repair Ryan Script:

Situation: Next day, sitting together without distractions.

“Yesterday, this happened: it was bedtime and you had lots of energy and wanted to play, while I was trying to get you to brush your teeth and go to bed because it was bed time and I also had to do other things after you sleep."

"I noticed that my behaviours were: talking loud, standing over you, saying you were going to lose things if you didn't stop and do what I say.. Some people call that type of behaviour: Trigger Tim ."(1)

"My thoughts at that time were: you never listen to me." (2)

"And I was feeling very angry." (3)

"Thinking about it more, I was also feeling tired and anxious."(4)

"A different way of thinking about the situation would be to say that I was feeling anxious about all the work I needed to finish before tomorrow and I was also feeling tired and worried that I wasn't going to get my work done in time, especially if you didn't go to sleep right away. While your body was full of energy to play, my body started to feel restless with anxiety and anger." (5)

"As a result, I could have responded differently by getting down on your level and connecting with you by saying 'I see you that you really want to play with me at this moment and I love playing with you; however, we will have to find a time to play tomorrow because now it is quiet time for both of us and you need to go to bed. I am also feeling anxious about work I must finish tonight so that we can spend more time playing tomorrow. I'm sorry we can't play right now and I'm sorry for yelling at you last night.'” (6)

Your turn.

I encourage you to give these exercises a try. Utilize the script over and over again, especially if it feels uncomfortable at first. You've got this. Your kids will learn so much from you on how to effectively manage their anger, and other emotions, in the future.